"That's what she said"

By Kathi Graves June 18, 2021
Our friend Hal showed us how to live an exquisite life in the early years of marriage, when the concept of adulting was still the wild frontier. Just a few years older, his "worldly wisdom" was already cultured, urbane, polished and suave well beyond his years. We weren't exactly country bumpkins, but we studied and absorbed his ways like Cello sponges when we weren’t rolling our eyes behind his back. Sometimes he was a little much and that was also part of his charm. We learned how to buy our clothes: "Target cheap is for trendy. Spend as much as you can afford on basics that will last a long time." Hal was the first person we knew who ate sushi. It would be years before we crossed that bridge, but because of him we named our first Siamese kitten Sushi. (Baby steps.) And we felt ever so slightly more sophisticated having a cat with such a worldly moniker begging at our feet while we feasted on our Mrs. Paul's. Hal was also the first person we knew who collected original art from galleries in exotic places like Santa Fe while the rest of us were still snapping up Kirkland’s clearance or, better yet, creating our own framed cross stitched geese in embroidery hoops trimmed with fabric ruffles. (Worst. Idea. Ever.) And, he was also the first person we knew who painted the walls of adjoining areas of his house in slightly different shades of the same color, almost undetectable to the human eye unless they were Hal’s discriminating peepers. We sensed something was up but when revealed his secret, we gasped and gazed with wonder on the glory of it all. Sigh. Trés chic. When Gayle came onto the scene, she brought her own gifts (there were many), including a keen sensibility for choosing which reigns to release. This has served her well. When she relinquished the Christmas decorating to Hal because she knew no matter what she did he’d have an opinion and it probably wouldn’t match hers, we knew he’d found the yin to his yang. This remains true today, more than 3 decades later. Hal helped us understand this critical principle: A beautiful life engages all the senses. On the night he and Gayle said their I do's he handed the ushers each a can of gardenia scented room fragrance 10 minutes before the first guests arrived and sent them spritzing through the sanctuary. I still carry that sensory memory with me and, to this day, it informs some of my choices. I love flowers and, largely because of Hal, gardenias are one of my favorites. And though we’ve never had our own, I have relied on the generosity of friends and neighbors who kindly share out of their own abundance, allowing me to raid their yard and cut as many as I want so my home smells like a little corner of heaven for several precious weeks. Scripture tells us that we carry the sweet aroma of Christ with us. And science confirms that scent builds into a powerful story that can affect our emotions. Hal illustrated this in the literal sense but also by many, many years of enduring and deep friendship marked by generosity and wisdom and so much more than I can tell you about here. The takeaway: How can you delight someone with your fragrance today?
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